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Archive for the ‘Oblivion’ Category

A Room Full of Sorrows

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In an empty room, we find a girl sitting on the floor.
Her head bent, arms around her knees.
The curtains are slightly parted, allowing a sliver
Of light shining on her narrow shoulders.
Silence envelops her, a quietness
not seen in a child of eight.
Her dad had just died, her mom is mourning,
Her siblings are out drowning themselves in liquid courage.
There is no one there—not a single soul—
to save her from what is to come.
The door opens ever so slightly, soon a silver head
peaks in, greasy limbs, and a grin soon follow the lead.
The door closes, blocking our vision of her.
We hear a sigh, a pat on her hair,
a touch on her shoulder, a caress on her arms.
We hear the struggle, the rustle of clothes,
an eager grunt, a muffled cry,
the Death of Innocence.
The knob turns and the door creaks open.
A decidedly click of the lock. We hear
light footsteps fading in the hallway,
a chuckle of satisfaction and a whistle
of a happy nursery rhyme lingering behind.
In that empty room, we see the girl sitting on the floor.
Her head swimming in nightmares,
Her arms shaking in fear, her shoulders in disgust.
The curtains are drawn. Darkness,
Silence, and Coldness surround her.

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Written by Angel Santos

March 4, 2017 at 9:57 AM

Posted in Oblivion

A letter for 2015

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Every start of the year, I (under the influence of too much alcohol) write a letter to myself. A letter which I (painfully sober and clearheaded) usually read on its last day. With trembling hands and a heavy sigh, I braved to open and read the letter I wrote on January 1, 2015:

Dearest Angel,

It’s the first day of 2015—the year when you will turn 25 and your friend Ross will get married to the man of her dreams. I just read your letter dated a year (2014) ago today. I cried a little, especially in the part where you wrote: “I could only wish for better things to come to you (since I really have no idea what the future holds for you). You know I have given up looking forward to a bright future long ago. Maybe I have been dead for more than I have lived. May you find something that could make you feel electric and alive as I was when I was 20.”

I only hope that 2015 will bring you many challenges to allow you to become a better person—to give more and to continue to strive for goodness. I know 2015 will be a difficult year, but I pray for your strength to continue fighting for life and for being alive.

I can only wish for this present version of Angel. I really hope that you will not give up. There are so many good things in life that you’re about to discover. You may not get what you want, but you will find reasons for it. You are where you are right now, because that’s where you are needed. Continue to give light to those people who need it most. Yours may be flickering but it will provide the littlest hope to others. Please do not think of yourself too little. You have so much to give, and I wish that in 2016, you will find it in your heart to give more than what you actually can.

I hope that you find it in you to let go of the things that burden you. Let go of anger; forgive more. I am sure that you have done what you’re supposed to this year (2015). I wish that you find your own brand of struggle, that you fight for it, and that you keep it close to your heart. I wish you’ve found what it is you’re looking for, so that when you face 2016, you will be grounded. I hope that 2015 made you the person you wanted to be. I wish that you are, in fact, more than you expected to be. This time, prove me right.
– A

As I close this letter, I look back on the memories I have gathered in my feeble mind and think to myself, “This has been a relatively good year—not because of the good things that came my way, but because of the difficulties 2015 had prepared for me and the people who stayed beside me in the darkest moments.”

I am not a better person, at least not yet, but I am getting there.

Written by Angel Santos

January 7, 2016 at 2:59 PM

Posted in Oblivion

A long stretch of Mondays

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2014 was a long stretch of Mondays.

This was a frustrating and difficult year: so much anger and so many disappointments. There were countless of times when I really wanted to abandon ship and take a new path, and I almost did. Twice. There were moments when I couldn’t find in my heart the Why of my whys, moments when I thought myself lacking, moments when I did not want to write anymore, because I had no story to tell, because I did not have a voice.

This was a challenging year: I’ve made decisions I hope I would not regret in the future; I’ve let go of seemingly good opportunities; and I’ve neglected good people in my life. This year, I bounced between Anger, Apathy, and Boredom. I’ve hurt a number of innocent people with my cutting words and demeaning attitude, and I was sorry for that, really. I did things I regretted in the end. I was not the person I wanted to be this year. I was not a good person.

Despite everything, I’m thankful for people who stayed despite my flaws and shortcomings. I’ve gone through ups and downs, but my friends remained patient—they listened to my repetitive and often annoying concerns in life. I almost gave up my oath of “paying forward”, but they continued to remind me the Why of my Whys.

2014 was a humbling and enlightening year. I realized that I was limited but with the right people, I could be whole. This year was a rough one, but I learned a lot. I learned how lucky I was to be with people who would not give up on me despite everything else. I learned how lucky I was to form a bond with people who keep the fire burning despite the difficulties. I did not know what I did right to deserve their friendship and love.

As I bid goodbye to the last day of 2014, let me thank the people who rallied with me this year. I would not be able to survive a day of 2014 without them.

As I sail through 2015, I hope to have my personal brand of struggle, so I may find my voice and my story. I pray for strength to be able to forgive easily. I hope that the year 2015 will allow me to be a better person, to be able to give more, and to continue striving for goodness. I know that the New Year will not be without challenges, but I know it will be worth it. (Ha! Tempered optimism!!!) I hope you are with me in this adventure.

Written by Angel Santos

December 31, 2014 at 11:07 AM

Posted in Oblivion

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