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A letter for 2015

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Every start of the year, I (under the influence of too much alcohol) write a letter to myself. A letter which I (painfully sober and clearheaded) usually read on its last day. With trembling hands and a heavy sigh, I braved to open and read the letter I wrote on January 1, 2015:

Dearest Angel,

It’s the first day of 2015—the year when you will turn 25 and your friend Ross will get married to the man of her dreams. I just read your letter dated a year (2014) ago today. I cried a little, especially in the part where you wrote: “I could only wish for better things to come to you (since I really have no idea what the future holds for you). You know I have given up looking forward to a bright future long ago. Maybe I have been dead for more than I have lived. May you find something that could make you feel electric and alive as I was when I was 20.”

I only hope that 2015 will bring you many challenges to allow you to become a better person—to give more and to continue to strive for goodness. I know 2015 will be a difficult year, but I pray for your strength to continue fighting for life and for being alive.

I can only wish for this present version of Angel. I really hope that you will not give up. There are so many good things in life that you’re about to discover. You may not get what you want, but you will find reasons for it. You are where you are right now, because that’s where you are needed. Continue to give light to those people who need it most. Yours may be flickering but it will provide the littlest hope to others. Please do not think of yourself too little. You have so much to give, and I wish that in 2016, you will find it in your heart to give more than what you actually can.

I hope that you find it in you to let go of the things that burden you. Let go of anger; forgive more. I am sure that you have done what you’re supposed to this year (2015). I wish that you find your own brand of struggle, that you fight for it, and that you keep it close to your heart. I wish you’ve found what it is you’re looking for, so that when you face 2016, you will be grounded. I hope that 2015 made you the person you wanted to be. I wish that you are, in fact, more than you expected to be. This time, prove me right.
– A

As I close this letter, I look back on the memories I have gathered in my feeble mind and think to myself, “This has been a relatively good year—not because of the good things that came my way, but because of the difficulties 2015 had prepared for me and the people who stayed beside me in the darkest moments.”

I am not a better person, at least not yet, but I am getting there.

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Written by Angel Santos

January 7, 2016 at 2:59 PM

Posted in Oblivion

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